Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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