I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
