You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
