Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Drunk is not a location!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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