I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
