Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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