I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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