Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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