just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
