I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
