Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
