When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
