she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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