Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
