Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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