Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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