Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
