I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
