the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Randomize
