it's like iHOP with fire
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
