So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
