my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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