I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
