Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
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