You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
