tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
