so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
