The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
