i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
