The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
