just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You were trust falling into bushes
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
