Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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