I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize