Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
