Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
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