I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
