Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
there was a trapeze. enough said
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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