I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Boobs speak an international language.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize