i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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