Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Panties = found
Randomize
