I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
