is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
