oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
