This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
