Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You are a genius and a whore.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
