They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize