Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
