I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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