Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
