I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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