i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
