Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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