The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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