Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize