Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
