Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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