just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
