my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
