Betty ford says i'm here all night
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
