I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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