Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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