Where are you?
In a non slutty way
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
