I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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