this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
