2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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