Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
