talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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