i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize