it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
