Soap is not a condiment
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
