It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize