I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
