Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
