Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
