I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
