She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
