ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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