I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
