idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
