Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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