you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
