Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
