fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize