I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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