"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
