I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
