why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
We got so high we made milksteak
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
