I CAN MOONWALK!
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Randomize
