I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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